


Meet Me Halfway

by tarthserjaime



Category: Game of Thrones RPF, gwendolaj
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:01:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24562024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tarthserjaime/pseuds/tarthserjaime
Summary: She knows this will break him, but she doesn’t know what else to do.
Relationships: Gwendoline Christie/Nikolaj Coster-Waldau
Comments: 27
Kudos: 51





	1. Do You Feel A Little Broken?

**Author's Note:**

> So I decided to do the same style of fic two ways. This one, Meet Me Half Way, goes in one direction, whereas the other, Like Real People Do, goes in another. Both explore Nikolaj and Gwendoline navigating this unique situation.

“Cut!”  
All of the feeling of the scene faded from Gwen’s face as she shouldered past Nikolaj to go re-lace her tunic. It was the last shot of the bedroom scene, and Gwen had brushed him off all week, on set and off. Nikolaj decided to shrug it off again and make his way to make-up, their eyes meeting once before hers darted down to pick up her phone. He wished that if she refused to talk to him she’d at least give him some non-verbal cue that she was okay. As Nikolaj sat down in the make-up trailer to have his stump removed, he went over every possible thing he might’ve done wrong since they’d been back in Belfast.

The first night, just as every night after that, Nikolaj invited Gwen out to drinks. Every time he texted, she had an excuse. Every time he called, she didn’t answer. She wouldn’t even give him her room number. Any time Nikolaj tried to get Gwen alone, she was always flanked by Alfie and Lena, talking to Liam who looked at her in a way that made him grind his teeth, or seemingly simply avoiding him. When he pieced together that Gwen was doing everything she could to get away from him, Nikolaj felt a his heart sink a little deeper in his chest. Normally, if Gwen had a problem, she’d be very direct with him. She knew how to ask for what she wanted, and let him know what she didn’t; so what was different now? Was she wanting to end their— whatever it was, and not sure how? The idea made Nikolaj feel sick. As foolish as it was, he couldn’t imagine himself without her. 

When it was time to go back to his hotel room, Nikolaj had an idea. He decided that he’d follow Gwen to her hotel room and corner her. Lest she make a scene, she’d be forced to let him in. 

“Get out.” Nikolaj could hardly hear her. Gwen had made him wait on the bed while she showered, probably thinking of what to say, just to come up with this. She wouldn’t turn to face him. She didn’t even have the decency to look at him while she broke his heart. Nikolaj stood up from the edge of her bed, suddenly feeling as if he couldn’t breathe. “Talk to me, Gwen, please. Tell me why and I’ll go.” They both knew that part wasn’t true. Nikolaj wouldn’t leave her hotel room until he was either satisfied or well wounded. There was no in between. Not now. 

Gwen didn’t answer. She wished she’d never fucking let him in. Instead she wrapped her arms around herself, snaking her arms up into her own embrace. Nikolaj pushed for answers. “Did he propose? Gwen? Are you afraid now to break a vow? Like I did?” He couldn’t help but feel the anger that rose in his chest, it consumed him. Gwen gave no answer, shaking her head. “Then what the hell, Gwen? Are you tired of me? Is it no longer exciting for you, sneaking around? Because we don’t have to sneak. I’ll tell whoever you want me to.” He wasn’t sure what the hell he was saying, but he knew he meant it. 

When he got no response, Nikolaj circled around to face her, but she moved away, now facing the bathroom door. “Nik, please, just go.” He heard her voice break in a way he’d only heard it once before. It was like a punch in the gut. He looked down at his shoes and ran his hand over the nape of his neck, feeling tears well in his own eyes as his face began to feel hot. “Why are you pushing me away?” The question came out much softer than he intended it to. 

When he heard a cry fill the radio silence it startled him a bit. His head darted up at Gwen through his tears. She was shaking, sobs wracking her body. He froze for a moment, unsure of what to do next. Gwen was emotional, sure, but he’d never seen her like this. Slowly, he forced himself to move toward her. Nikolaj wrapped himself around Gwen, quietly hushing her as he slowly peeled her arms from where they were tightly bound to her chest. Without thinking about it, he replaced them with his, holding her tightly through her robe. “I’m not going anywhere, Gwendoline.” He whispered in her ear, “Just talk to me. Please.”

The terror faded from Gwen for only a moment as she melted into Nikolaj’s embrace. She felt his stubble on her cheek and took in his scent. Expensive cologne, aftershave, and a little bourbon. She missed his smell so much, the way it filled her chest with such a strong sense of sensuality and strength that only he could exude. The hum of his words against her throat made her relax a little; she unclenched her jaw. But how true were his words? Surely, he said them now with such confidence, but Gwendoline knew that everyone had their limits. What if this was his? She heard him in her head. Nikolaj was a family man. He loved to go on holidays with his kids, birthday parties, Christmas, hiking, all of it. The panic rose back up in Gwen’s chest, and then her throat. How could she tell him? That she wanted her life to be her own?

He felt her tense and held her tighter, but this only pressed the cries out of her once again. “No, no, no, no, Gwen.” He tried to calm her back down, but Gwen felt her knees weaken as she struggled to draw in a breath. Instead of holding her up, Nikolaj dropped to the floor with her, and began to slowly rock her. In any other circumstance, Gwen would laugh out loud. This was his way of soothing her? Rocking her like a— 

“I can’t do this.” She mouthed, more so than whispered. But he heard her still. He brushed her shower-damp hair from her face and whispered. “You can’t do what, elskede? Please.” The urgency in his voice and the way he switched to Danish made her feel so much at once, she wanted to throw up. She knew now he was scared. She wanted to tell him. This is why she stayed away from him. This exact situation. Gwen forced herself to speak, trying to suppress her breathlessness. 

“Nikolaj,” she whimpered. 

She could’ve sworn she felt him draw in a breath and hold it. She had to do it, she knew she couldn’t run from it any longer. It was a time bomb. So for the first time she had to bring her lips together to form the words. If not for Nikolaj, then for herself. 

She shut her eyes tight, gripping onto Nikolaj’s arms.  
Say it, she thought. Just say the fucking words. Make it real.

“I’m pregnant.”

The rocking stopped.


	2. For a While

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is shite i’m sorry burnout is a bitch
> 
> umm for meg in case she happens to come across it, this is written to For A While by Bellorage :) a classic gwendolaj song

Gwen was sitting her bed, having calmed down. Her eyes were still puffy and red, and her voice was still raw, but she wrapped the hotel comforter around her tightly to keep herself from sobbing again. Nikolaj was sat at the edge of the bed, unsure whether he should be close to her. He was staring at an imaginary spot between his shoes, almost afraid to look up. 

“And it... it’s mine?” The words formed almost without him thinking of them. 

Gwen scoffed, giving him an icy glare through her red eyes. Even with a stuffed nose, her voice was sharp. “Who else’s would it be, Nikolaj? This isn’t a joke.”

He nodded in agreement, running his hands down the length of his thighs and back up again. “Okay, right. Sorry. How umm, how far along are you?” 

Gwen looked down at her hands, picking at a thread in the blanket. “God, I took one of those tests that give you a time frame. It said 3+ weeks. That was three weeks ago..” She felt her chest tighten. There was no way to place on her own how long ago she could’ve actually conceived, as tall women show less and they were pretty consistent in their sex lives whenever they were together to film. 

Nikolaj looked up at her. “So we could be looking at months? You haven’t gotten any scans?” It took her two weeks to even tell him, and she could be nearly out of her first trimester, he thought. He felt mostly scared out of his mind, and a bit betrayed, but somewhere inside him was a faint warmth. Maybe excitement? 

“No.” She replied quietly. “I haven’t gotten a scan.” 

Suddenly, it all made sense to Nikolaj. The avoidance, brushing him off, Alfie and Lena guarding her like a dragon’s hoard. He started to feel a bit more betrayed. What he didn’t understand, though, was why she hadn’t gone to the doctor yet. Why was she pretending it wasn’t happening? It wasn’t like Gwen at all. Gwen, as he knew her, was proactive and precise. She was intentional. 

“Who all knows?” He pressed. 

Gwen shifted uncomfortably, wishing instantly that the conversation was over. “Alfie, Liam, Lena and a friend of mine. That’s all.” She looked up at him, hoping to find some comfort in his eyes. “You can’t even look at me.” She whispered quietly. 

“He doesn’t know?”

“No, he doesn’t.” She answered.

Nikolaj looked at her, but she found no solace in his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He demanded. 

Gwen’s melancholy hardened. “When would’ve been preferential to you, Nikolaj? The week of you and your wife’s anniversary, or the following week, on set? I know I’m an idiot, getting knocked up by a coworker— a married man, but I didn’t want to make it any worse than it already is.” 

“It’s not a bad thing.” Nikolaj muttered. “We’ll figure it out. I’ll tell her. I’ll tell my agent. He’ll handle the fall out.” He turned towards Gwen and came closer, taking her clammy hands into his big, warm ones. “You won’t be alone, Gwen. We can move to Denmark and I’ll file for divorce, o-or if you’d be too homesick I’ll move to London— even if the schools aren’t as good. Or we can both move to LA. If it’s a boy, he can take my father’s name. It’s an old family name, but surely Jørgen is better the some of those ridiculous celebrity baby names nowadays.” His heart swelled in his chest, and he couldn’t help but beam. No matter what was to come, he was ready to take the blow and shield Gwen from the backlash. All he could think of in this moment was starting over. Designer baby clothes and Danish lullabies. 

Until Gwen pulled her hands out of his. This time, it was she who could hardly look at him. “This is all moving so fast..” she started, replacing her hands where they were under the comforter. “I understand you’re excited, Nikolaj, but think of all the things you’d be giving up,” All the things she’d be giving up. “Your relationship with your daughters would be destroyed. And your wife— it— this becomes more than an affair when a child is involved, Nikolaj. And if things get ugly, I don’t want to be a single mum on a hundred thousand pound child maintenance schedule. And being a mum at all, Nikolaj,” She looked at him through her eyelashes, her voice threatening to break again. “I don’t do the nappies and the school plays and the GCSE tutors. I can’t clean sick off of my shirts without vomiting and potty training a toddler sounds ten times worse. Christ, I don’t even have a dog.” 

Nikolaj searched her face for any indication of what she meant by all of this. He pushed the possibility out of his head, suddenly feeling a panic drum in his chest. “Well that’s okay, Gwen, don’t worry about any of that. I’ve done it before twice over, and I’d do it again. The girls will come around, I know they will.” He shifted towards her again and dipped his head into her low gaze, fighting to make eye contact.  
“And did you think I would let you be a single mum?” 

Gwen couldn’t help but chuckle at the bizarre state she was in. What was all of this? What was happening to her? Nikolaj sat and watched, unamused.

“What’s funny?” He asked, flatly. 

“I’m forty-fucking-one years old.” She broke through her laughter. “Not some twenty-something muppet. Pregnant and unmarried?— not that I want to be pregnant and married— At forty-one? Even when you’ve got money you manage to royally fuck up once again, Gwendoline.”

Nikolaj watched her unravel, trying his best not to take her words personally. He couldn’t help but think, what was wrong with being a mum at forty-one? Especially since he’d be a new dad again at forty-nine. He looked down at his lap, twisting his wedding ring habitually.

“Not that you’d want to be pregnant and married?” He parroted quietly. 

Gwen sighed softly. 

She might as well tell him, the situation wasn’t going to get any less tense.  
“I scheduled an appointment at the clinic back in London.” Her voice was barely a whisper. 

That was it. Those were the words he was dreading. Nikolaj felt a lump burn in his throat. He stopped twisting the ring and was quiet for a long while.

“Your scans?” He finally asked, though he knew better. “Because that would be good,” he continued, trying to fill the space between them with helpless hope. “You’re long overdue. They might even know the sex by now.” His voice quivered like a sheet of paper held to a fan. 

Gwen shook her head, which was mostly hidden now in the dense comforter. “No.” She muttered. “Not scans.”

“Gwen-“

“Don’t, Nikolaj.” She fought to keep her composure, to not fall apart again, afraid that he wouldn’t collect her into his arms again. She was tearing his heart in two, she knew it. 

“Please, would you just give me a chance?” He turned toward her again now, hoping she’d lift her head up from the blankets. She did, but not to tell him what he wanted to hear. 

“It’s not you. You’re perfect; and if I could have you for the rest of my life, I would. But only you, Nikolaj.” She wiped away the tears that pooled at her waterline. 

“I don’t hate children. I respect children, they’re people too. They deserve patience, and love, and guidance. And I know you’d be an amazing father, because you are an amazing father, but a child deserves two parents that want them, Nikolaj, and that’s not me. I’m not a wife, and I’m not a mum.” She expected him to rebuttal. To yell, even. He was a passionate arguer. But instead, she heard nothing. The room was absolutely silent. 

Nikolaj looked away, feeling the tears well in his eyes. He continued to remind himself that it was her choice, and that had no right to be angry about it. He repeated it almost like a mantra, in hopes that it would soothe him. But god, was he angry. He could feel it in his chest— this hole that was burnt through him so quickly and seemingly couldn’t be filled. It radiated in his fingertips and in his temples. He suddenly felt sick. 

“Nikolaj, please. Say something.” Her voice was faint, almost a prayer. She reached out for him, to touch his hand that was resting beside him on the comforter. Nikolaj moved it from underneath hers, standing. As much as he wanted to, he simply couldn’t face her. 

“Let me know if you— if you need anything, Gwen.” He forced out, staring at the doorknob ahead. He could feel himself trembling, and he wondered if she could see it. 

“Don’t do that, don’t leave, please. I need you right now.” Hearing Gwen, who was so heavily guarded and independent, beg him to stay in such a way made him suddenly feel like a piece of shit for wanting to leave. But Nikolaj knew he couldn’t stay. 

“I can’t sit here, with you, and know that—“ He bit down on his bottom lip until the pain distracted him. It wasn’t his place, he reminded himself. “I can’t be here right now, Gwendoline.” He felt himself move before he could process what was happening. It felt as if he was floating rather than walking, being guided by his innermost, primitive feelings. Before he could reach for the handle on the door, the silence was cut through again. 

“If you leave, don’t come back.” Gwen’s voice had lost its fearful quiver. It was cold; he knew she meant that. Nikolaj turned his head to glance at her before he could stop himself. There it was, that stony glare. He knew she couldn’t stay vulnerable for very long at any given time. What could he say that would justify leaving right now? That he felt like he couldn’t breathe? That he struggled to look at her without seeing what they could be? He should say something at least. 

“I love you, Gwen.” Pathetic. He knew it. They both did. 

“If you loved me you’d understand. You’d care about my feelings, my goals, the increased risks of being pregnant in your forties. I know this is going to be difficult for you, but not just you. Part of me wants that domestic life, but I know it’s only because I’ll have you.” 

Nikolaj wanted to crawl into bed beside her and just lay there, with his hand over her stomach and his head on her chest. He knew she wouldn’t stop him, but he also knew it would make her incredibly uncomfortable; and it wouldn’t change the outcome of this situation. 

Nikolaj reached for the doorknob at last. The tremor in his hand was visible. “I’ll um, I’ll call you later?” Was all he could manage. He whispered so that maybe she wouldn’t hear the quaver in his voice. 

“Nikolaj.” Gwen swallowed down the lump in her throat. He wouldn’t actually open the door. Please, God, surely this wasn’t the man she loved. 

The tips of his fingers met the handle. He pushed down. He genuinely wasn’t trying to make this any harder than it was, but every moment was a struggle for him. He didn’t want to leave her like this, but knowing that Gwen didn’t want to take this journey with him made it feel impossible to stay and face her. Nikolaj shifted his weight towards the wooden panel. It felt ten times as heavier than it was on his way in. 

Gwen stood, feeing another wave of emotion wash over her. Anything to get him to turn around, to stay with her and tell her that everything would be okay. She knew it was selfish to think he’d push all of his feelings aside to comfort her, but goddamn it she wanted that so badly. 

“Sit back down, Gwen.” He warned. She hadn’t heard him speak like this outside of acting, but it didn’t deter her. 

She grabbed his wrist firmly, pulling herself into him and wrapping her arms around him from behind. Pressing her head to the back of his, she closed her eyes, hoping he’d close the door and turn around. The back of his cotton shirt smelled so fully of him and grounded her a little. Nikolaj was always the one to turn around and come back to her when she needed him the most. 

Nikolaj did turn around, his whole body tensed, and posture closed. Instead of embracing her, he slipped out of her grasp. Merely inches from each other’s faces, she saw the streaking of tears on his cheeks. He was being held together by threads. 

Gwen put her hand up to his cheek to wipe them away. “Darling,” she began, but he grabbed her hand, gently, but firmly, and placed it back at her side. He still hadn’t looked her in the eye, or looked up at all. 

“Stay safe, Gwen.” 

Just like that, he’d disappeared to the otherwise of that damned door. Stay safe? As if she were a distant relative of his finally leaving after a lengthy visit. She thought Nikolaj might yell, get obstinate, or say things out of impulse, but she never thought he’d leave. 

She sat back down of the edge of her bed, not really sure how she should feel, let alone how she actually felt right now. All she knew was part of her regretted telling him at all. 

Nikolaj tried to convince himself that he was numb. The situation was unfortunate, yes. But it was Gwen’s decision to do with her body what she pleased, and he owed her the respect of supporting her. Besides, maybe this was for the best? This way, there was no scandal, no drama, no divorce, and no kids caught in the crossfire. If Gwen isn’t the mum type, then maybe she would’ve truly been miserable if she’d kept it, especially for his sake.

Nikolaj rolled all of these thoughts around in his mind, trying to his best to believe them wholeheartedly. He was a ghost, moving through the hall to the elevator. He wished he could forget about it all, as if none of it was real. None of this felt real.

Leaving felt wrong. He told himself he should’ve stayed, repeated it a million times until the words sounded funny in his head between the time he left the elevator and stood in the middle of his own hotel room, but he didn’t turn back and show up at her doorway like a daytime drama. He couldn’t even stomach the thought.

It was dark. His suitcases were piled in the corner, all of the lamps and the TV were off. The only sign of life was his charger plugged in at the bedside. He’d hardly lived in this room at all, and now he was meant to stew in it, drowning in his own mind. 

Even still, he moved to the bathroom and cut on the shower. If he didn’t shower now, there’s no way he’d be able to get up and do it later, he thought. Immediately, he went through the motions of undressing. 

_I should be happy_ Nikolaj told himself. The thought was intrusive, but it brought him momentary relief _I dodged a bullet._

He stepped in into the warm water and let it envelop him. It quickly brought him back to the time he decided to shower with Gwen, who preferred the water scalding hot. He turned and wound the dial even further right. The hot water cascaded over his face, and washed away his tears. The feeling that built up in his chest was one he couldn’t suppress.

 _I’d take a million bullets._

Nikolaj wasn’t used to crying, so when the sobs came he held his breath.

He should’ve stayed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed! as usual comments give me a reason to live LOL

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Sarah for stoking me to write a little something for the first time in a long time xx
> 
> So I know this fix is a bit different, and a bit angsty. I’m sorry it’s short! There’ll be more, I promise!


End file.
